We are entering into September. It’s my favorite season – the foliage, the smell of burning leaves wafting through the frosty air (seriously, possibly my favorite olfactory experience), the expanded wardrobe opportunities, the giant Sears Christmas catalogs of my youth, the selection of new school supplies… it’s really pretty awesome. And this year, with the firm resolution, the grand plans, the fact that I’ve got cohorts back in the same metro area as myself – well, I remain more cautious optimistic about 4Q2003 than I have about any quarterly unit in some time.

This means that my allergies, or some viral approximation of same, have chosen the perfect time to pounce upon my respiratory system; just as I begin to make plans that require me to be the sort of whirling productivity dervish that I have only pulled off a few times in my life. I needed to be at 110%! The extra 10% was to come from super-colloidal vitamins and a regiment of Page-a-Day vocabulary calendars, but the rush of filth bottlenecked in the Lincoln Tunnel of my sinuses have something to say about that, I fear. What did I get weekly allergy shots for, if not to prevent this? Is this karmic punishment for chronic Vapo-Inhaler abuse?

I’ve learned my lesson in years past not to overdose on allergy medication, but I am considering perhaps delving into the realm of homeopathic remedies, especially if they are inexpensive. I cannot become a substitute teacher and get into grad school and somehow finagle my way into doing a radio show and becoming the next Jean Shepherd if I’m leaky and delirious.

Another sign of autumn:

I imagine this is a result of recent belt-tightening.
“According to recent budgetary cuts, we’ve got to summarize our feelings about 9-11 on the lighted board in less than seven letters! The local Rotary Club donated the date.”
“How about, IT SUCKED”
“I said less than seven letters! LESS THAN! The crocodile eats the seven!”
“IT S-U-X”
“Not even grammatically correct!”
“SRY MAN”
“Not inclusive of women.”
“NVR FGT”
“Might be construed as homophobic.”
“TOO BAD”
“Might seem sarcastic…or that we’re even suggesting that the hijackers were ‘bad to the bone’. Unacceptable!”
“Maybe OTPAWU… it would be an abbreviation for ‘our thoughts and prayers are with you.’ We could put something in the paper explaining it.”
“We can’t afford that! BUDGET CUTS, GENTLEMEN. Now think!”
“HOW SAD”
“HOW SAD, eh? Hm…. that dog’ll hunt!”