I’ve known Ian and Jessica for a long time. I knew them when we lived in Kansas. I knew them when we lived in New York. We’ve always liked food: in college we bonded while watching Iron Chef and Good Eats, arguing about the best Mexican restaurant in town, getting drunk and making a disgusting “Mark Henry Sexual Chocolate Pie” from out of the pages of the Official World Wrestling Federation Cookbook. We were even inexplicably profiled in our local newspaper for a Lifestyles piece about how some college-aged males like to cook. This was breaking news in Kansas. I believe the other student profiled had a recipe involving ramen and cocktail wieners.

Anyway, Ian and Jessica are moving to Rhode Island tomorrow. Before they left, we went to WD-50. This was our visit into the Big Leagues, the sort of food we normally only watched on television, or viewed in glossy cookbooks. This was our chance to actually engage with Ornamental Cookery in reality! So of course I forgot my camera and Jessica’s didn’t seem to work.

But we wrote a bunch of words about the experience! I want to reiterate that I have no idea what Jessica is talking about with this “happy food dance” nonsense. I don’t care what the napkins says. The napkin lies.